Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Well 4 days pass by, and just about everything is done! I finished my Chemistry research paper, and I finished pulverizing my English Essay 2nd draft. All at the expense of missing a certain someone online. I'm way ahead of everyone else in English (by 2 drafts now!) and I have revived my smart, snobby, nerd school image T_T. I also just got back from the hospital for a follow-up appointment.

They're raising my meds T_T and giving me a blood pressure lowering med so that my kidney is not overloaded with work. I also have not been getting good sleep, and I'm not sure why. It can possibly be because of the stress/med/or I'm thinking too much about the certain someone.

I did find out one very important aspect of the education system in my country that is different from the US. In the US, everyone is hard-working and has good working habits. Here just about everybody trys to work and distract themselves at the same time (This includes me). I usually do all of my work off the computer (Chem assignment and English essay), but I still have my MSN on the sidelines while I'm typing up those papers. I admire those in the US for their hard-working behaviour and I will try to be more focused in my task.

I'm glad I have time to study for the week of chem I missed before the holidays (2 days of DECA disasters, 2 days kidney biopsy, and a day to recover from losing 8 hours of sleep over the week). I'm also stuck in another block of decision making processes that will dictate my future. My New Year's post that stated I can not feel love at this crucial moment is an impossible task. I feel it, but I can't express it. I fear the rejection and the loss of friendship. I can help and show fancy to a person, but the receiver only sees that. I can hint to someone, but I am unable to show/tell them the full extent of my feelings without shocking their and my world.

(I've edited this 6 times and it still doesn't sound right)
Racing for impact

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