Sunday, June 27, 2004

Life is a sine/sign.

To the individual, life is a sine curve. To the rest of society your life is a sign of greatness. Everyone posssess greatness of something. In kindness, and in strictness. In optimism, and in pessimism. In strength, and in weakness. Greatness in all things is why a society can neither have complete peace, nor complete chaos. Thus is the balance of the world we live in.

Just an introductory paragraph that to say the least I have had a complete sine cycle. I"m back to normal as earlier I was at the trough of my sine earlier this week. Lots of people have reflected in the past now, I kind of did that earlier. I don`t know if I`ll add anything in the future, and if I do, I don`t know what. I just currently know that I`m headed to great deeds (good or bad is up to the events I allow in the future, look at the next entry).

Saturday, June 12, 2004

What I regret in life is not that I tried and got hurt, it's what I let pass and never found out.

I haven't come back here since the last good thing because I've been extremely busy in the past 2 weeks, and mainly enjoying the company around me while it's still here. Well okay not really enjoying the company around me as everyone disappears to places that I will never know of (probably sleep in hahahaha). Well this turned out to be a long reflection on the year before exams, thanks to those that have blessed me with meeting them, what's to come, things I've learned, and a reflection on how my life has changed throughout the years.

Let's see, the last entry was right after Prom, so I'll start with that crazy cram afterwards. Everything due, and not enough sleep. in the middle of that, I had to take a trip to town. It had the usual hospital appointment and a needed appointment for my own future the next day. I missed my test for Discrete because of the hospital appointment, and I missed everything about the project for IB, and sort of couldn't give support to my partner for CS. Well for CS it worked out as I cover her for 2 days as well. Most of it is kind of working too. There's still a few NullPointerExceptions, and other bugs to work out. I guess I was spared the disasterous test as I saw a few of my classmates results, and the make-up test was EASIER than the quiz we had yesterday! Woohoo, for intellect, now beat me for my lack of physical activity. I couldn't go to today's water practise, but I spent that time, lugging my 16lb bag across the community, and riding my bike all over the place. I deposited the reimbursment for Robotics, and I sent off my decline to UofT.

Back to the week earlier, well we had our year end parties for clubs such as Engineering and Robotics. The athletic awards assembly was a slight surprise, although not quite since I had advance warning earlier from the supervisors that I SHOULD GO, and so should M. I'm thankful for the award, but my focus will not change. We are a team, and for that to work, I have to be with them if we want our best to come out.

Robotics has ended this year on a partially okay note. It was a really good year in terms of people coming for the 1st semester. The only thing that disappointed me was that people gave up on the club at the start of 2nd semester. Last year was kind of similar, but it started late, and we ended off with a great end. I've advised next year's leader to finish what we've left off, and make a good manager for the club next year. I've been in that club for 3 yrs. Its first year as a participant and back up driver to Patrick. The 2nd year as an organiser of an interschool trip between Bayview and I. And this year as the leader representative for our competition at the Science Centre. We did accomplish alot, and even though it is sometimes unmentioned, it is one of the most memorable places I've been. I'm glad to have met everyone there, and I hope them the best in the years to come.

I've finalized my decision to go to York. In Discrete I took out my stuff because we weren't doing anything in class, and it'd be nice to see everyone's opinion into my decision. Hehe, well just about everyone there instantly said "GO TO UofT!" Hahaha, yeah UofT has the prestigeous fame of the best, and I guess that's what draws people. As soon as you're in, you have that fame and pride to say you're from UofT. I guess there's a great deal of people who really want that so that they're not the mediocrity of society as they think they are. Well guess what, if you can go to UofT, you are definitely not mediocre. I'll give you a small congrats now, but like Mr. Ross has said, and he has quite a bit of wisdom to follow, I know that it's not getting in that's the hard part. It's surviving the 1st year that is the problem. Mr. Ross gave us a story on Thursday about his frien Mr. Mcleod (not sure the spelling) who he was friends with, who failed accounting, and failed algebra, but persevered through them to pass. He also didn't know that he'd be a Chartered accoutant, and he'd be able to make a dot com business that earned millions in its peak. We also all know that nobody anticipated 9/11 and he was blessed by God to not have been in the WTC when it happened. He thought he'd be a comp sci person for his life, but it turned out he is a rich chartered accoutant, that in his current lifetime has gone through many events. The moral of the story which I hope people got was that our lives aren't set in stone even for university. It can direct 1 way, but there are tons of possibilities beyond that single path. I'm looking towards a Masters, or a PhD beyond my undergrad because I want to be able to control what I want to undertake and do in this world.

I know I'm smart, and I've noticed that people have realized certain potential within me that only my family knew earlier in my life (when I was changing batteries at 6 months old, freaky isn't it). I usually push my limits to the extreme because I was boxed in and cradled for a good deal of my life. However, something that I'm very afraid of is the inability to provide for myself. My life is fragile I realize, and that there are many ways to achieve what I want. This time in my life, I'm still not taking an "easy" route, but atleast I'm not taking a "suicidal" route that to normal people is achievable for the fittest and cunning (often evil wins over good and honourable here) ONLY. I'm not competitive to that degree, and I'm naive and honest still. Why am I like this? I'm not really sure, I've had evil strategies and thoughts that nobody would think of (well except maybe Hitler), but I don't want to employ those because it is destructive, and well just as Hitler was like the devil, it would make me a devil too. Thus I become a worker for this evil man, and not to God who has given me 2 things that not many have. 1 of them being is that I am an enduring sign and spirit in the eyes of my family. I was born when my parents had no money, I lived in one of the worst places of the city (actually my best friend then lived in the building where most of the homicides happened), and I was the one born with the greatest of ailments. The 2nd thing being that I am intelligent, and honourable. My sister always finds it baffling that I am honest (and often very gullible), and I still keep my optimism of society and people around me despite the news, and all that has hurt me. She envies me a bit because I have natural intelligence, while she had to work hard. And she finds hope in me that I did not use my illnesses to spoil myself to get what I want as does about 90% of the patients at the hospital.

I've got 2 days left of school, exams and then I will most likely only see my friends here online. I've enjoyed their company a lot, and this has been the best year I've had thus far. This is where I wish we had more time. The little space of time inbetween exams and when we all part for our summer trips. 3 things I want to do during that time, just to close off the year before we part, and meet again next year or maybe elsewhere. Those are to: follow the events that my friends would like to do (beach seems to be the only thing currently), take them to a place where I know they'd like (anime store), and have 1 last grand slam of a time with my friends in the comfort of a personal environment (my house, or someone else's house? and for far into late night again =D). I was thinking of having an LOTR marathon as I now have all 3 movies hahaha, that'd be 9hrs of movie watching on my BIG screen. I don't think I can get all 3 done because I have lots to do, and like M, L, and a few others, we don't get off from exams until the last day. I've noticed that everyone has lots on their mind, some of it even just popping up when we don't want it too (annoying isn't it). Well, I hope we can all stay connected. I'll try my best to keep these friends, as these friends (MY, KL, LH, SY, CK, AT, LK, MH, YLS, AP, VC, FL, SE, and many more), are the ones that have actually made me feel like myself, and not just a student. Thank you everyone.

I'll make an analogy to my front lawn. I am the the tall Spruce tree in the the lawn. My acquaitances are represented by my grass, they exist, but are the same and small. My friends are the border flowers, they are there, in not such great numbers as my acquaitances, but they are and beautiful, and add compliment and colour to my life. My family are the Peonies, always supporting and helping when I need it the most. The ones I love, or have loved are the tulips that from now on, will grow tall, and be bright and full at exactly the week before my birthday. The Spruce, and the house are plain without the grass and the garden.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Hahaha, funny warning quiz

linus11vf1j may actually be a spider-human hybrid