Saturday, February 28, 2004

The majority are spectators, they never have the courage to be a participator.
Song: Affirmation --Savage Gardens

Hmmm, I should be well adapted to the Down Friday feeling because it's now happened 4 times in a row. So why do I continue to acutely feel it. Mainly because I felt good when someone ACTUALLY took their own responsibility to tell me why they couldn't make it to Robotics. Why feel good about being let down like that? Well it's a lot better than people simply not even saying a word, or not showing up at all. I didn't start to feel bad, until they reminded me later in the evening that they were sorry they couldn't come. I am perfectly all right if they didn't come because s/he had more important obligations. Why I had CFO of the club take over for today since I had to do something important myself. I'm probably picky and all, but look at most of the other clubs, they're back on track, they've got their attendance records back, heck d-boat is more full than it was earlier. WHY THE HECK DO PEOPLE IN MY CLUB LACK THE SENSE TO SAY or DO ANYTHING even when I state stuff to do! Is it because I write descriptive e-mails that people just shove off as spam (I'll shove you into a wall if you think so)? Is it because I sort of run it like another class (engineering is just as much tough love)? Is it because I am a guy that will let it pass (Anger does not leave my mind for important reasons such as releasing more wrath than you need)?

Well that's all that's on my mind really, have to do some work and research tomorrow, and that's it pretty much.

Nobody visits here as it seems I've become insignificant in the lives of others. I'm a unique individual, just as everyone else is, but my uniqueness is never accepted. It's too complicated or smart for them to understand isn't it?! LAZY @$$-like BRAIN! Everyone has differen circumstances, why is it hard to empathsize? BECAUSE A PERSON IS SELFISH! I hate selfish people, I hate my own selfishness, I hate stubborness, I hate irresponsible people, and I hate lying people. Everyone has the same peeves, so they're actually just putting further strain on my extrenuating circumstances by treating me different.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

A Link to the Past, can make a link to the foreseen

I've come home from my OTHER home, and well it happens everytime I go there. Nostalgic in a sense of my very small childhood living in an apartment, while containing the luxury of my the future I wish to achieve. My apartment is nostalgic because I've always remembered what it was like to live in a small space, bad, dusty ventilation, and care freeness of NOT worrying you're going to kill the water supply =P It's also somewhat nostalgic too as I see my brother sleep in his bed next to my bed. Except long ago it was I being the little one, and my sister watching me. At the black of night when everyone has faded into the comforts of rest, I take a look at the view of TO from my window. This time in my life, I'm not obstructed by the building infront of me (thereby only able to see the street below), but I can see all of TO from my window, the shimmering of lights and reflections of the city across the blackness of night, reflecting off the grey-white clouds as the floor of the scene lights the room to the cotton ceiling. It's beautiful, and I could never capture that in anything except my mind.

Everything is not just warped in that time though. As I look around during the day, everything is pampered by the luxuries of Yuppy living. Marble and Granite, A/C and convection, everything white, and silver. The setting is very much of a Yuppy living there, off his own income, and able to afford all he wants easily. It is grand, it is what a man could wish for in the economic world, but it is insignificant if I could not share these with another. It all helps me, it all helps my family, but I long to show another (that is deserved) of these pleasures but has not experienced them. I dreamt of a person, perhaps it is her, but I doubt that would come to pass as I think I can easily change that person with any crush I get during the times I visit that home.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Brillance is light. The radiance of revelation, with the shadow of logic and process

Boy oh boy, a new semester, and it's less rocky than my last semester. Firstly, I don't have a lot of problems except that I don't like the lack of response from people when I send mails out. Just because I don't say "REPLY PLEASE" doesn't mean it is inappropriate to reply. I'm not a spam bot that doesn't need a reply. I'm a person that likes to confirm things, which is a reason why I send so many mails out. Also not receiving replies annoys me because some of the issues I place on those mails become "undefined" when there is a no reply. Ah well, my complaints will go unsaid outside of this page, and any of my other journal pages. Why would I keep it here? I actually don't, as people know my impatience when I send things out TWICE, or hint in my 2nd round mails that I'm vexated about no replies. Ah well, I can't beat out answers, and badgering about it will only strain my acquaitance with people. THEREFORE (where's the 3 dots) silence becomes the solution to the issue until all participants are willing to consult and solve the problem.