Sunday, October 28, 2007

I wonder, and I feel stuck in my progression in life because of this.

Pride and egos.

What are they? Can it be described? Is mine's so obvious and there that you see it right off my face? Does everyone have a personal blocker of some sorts that we call pride and egos preventing us from learning?

I'm having a really difficult time letting it go.

I'm so "afraid" of looking like an idiot or making a mistake that I won't do anything, or I'll stubbornly persist with "my way. " Unless I'm "confident" in my knowledge that I could safely say something that was true and irrefutable, and it would seem like I'm informing people of the truth, but in fact I'd be flaunting or feeding my ego that I helped others see "a truth. From John's opinion. " which really, nobody cares.

Really though, Life is suppose to be about making mistakes and learning from them so what's wrong with being told I'm horribly and embarrasingly misinformed? Because then I feel belittled, inferior, and unworthy of the presence of the greatness around me. I also think that if I make a mistake, it's the end of the world, I'm good for nothing.

Although what's worse? A human that embarrassingly bumbles his way through life, or a stubborn prick that can't learn?

I'm a daydreaming fool that wishes to be the superior and not work for it. But being the superior is bad too, because everyone envies and despises you for being stuck up!

So what do I do? I can't get rid of this fear of rejection, or the pain of being told I'm wrong which is always equating to "you're worthless. " God ... I really need your help.

Monday, February 12, 2007

2 months since last time's entry, and I have nothing much to say since I talk to people. I'll post to my other blog the one on dreams, but recently I've been in a bind to write the one I had oooh a month back. Vivid and rich enough to be written as a story. Anyways, again if you haven't already noticed, I don't post that often, but I'm still here, reach me at the usual places of MSN or calling me, or talking to me.

Oh, and comments enabled yay!