Friday, August 22, 2003

Blah, John is going to be philosophical and contemplative.

I can't start from where I left off last entry, but I'd much rather just throw everything out as I think. I want to do it this way because it will show you how unorganised my mind is.

Right now, I'm in trouble for staying up on the computer too long and too late. That's because the computer is in Dad's room and so while I'm chatting with Serge, BJ, and Maria Dad was disturbed by all the typing and light. The computer in my room will probably not be built for quite some time because of this show of overuse. I have shown to my parents my irresponsible behaviourof being on the internet. How will I amend it? I will just simply cut off for a while, that's all. Agh, I stayed up 2 nights in a row chatting with BJ, Serge and Maria.

So I spent more time doing that, now what? I'm hosting tonight's movie night (Cowboy Bebop the movie). Also I have to call up everyone to confirm that they'll meet me on SUNDAY at 0920 at Bernard Station. Although calling calling Stephanie just about the times for everyone to meet there has her parents/siblings bothering, and gossiping amongst themselves thinking I'm dating her. Do I have to yell out "I'M IN LOVE WITH MARIA!" (atleast I think I am, I don't really know what I feel).

Now I'll probably get the "I don't know who you are" type of reaction from her for saying what I feel ;_; I'd love to bring you out of your cage (if I remember to bring that topic up again), and you don't have to change for me, You are perfect the way you are to me. *sigh* romance is the unhappy process of trying to find absolute acceptance. Social interactions is just the bad gossip that arises from general friendship (if they are of the opposite sex).

Before anyone thinks about saying I'm such a nice guy:
What I know is that when I told her I like her, I could try a pathos tactic to get what I want from Maria, but it would not be a relationship if I did that. Since I would be forcing her to stay with me out of pity. It is best to leave it for her to decide. However, as I have learned in Robotics, always account for the worst. So one of the blocking variables is that she is suspicious of my motives. I guess if she wants to know what I want in return, I guess I could say for her to love me back. BUT that may be asking too much, or I may be asking for what she doesn't feel. EEEE, the conflict that arises from knowing. A relationship can not be one-sided, and starting up is always the most difficult threshold to pass since nobody can put their finger on what they feel until after many hours of contemplating (which many do not have that much time to do). Also there are those that are after other things. Most men can not control themselves in their LUST for power, control and sex. They use their knowledge to lure innocent girls to stay with them (e.g. Wilson and Samantha HAHAHA). The world is corrupt to the point that every woman fears what the man's motives are for being nice. The evil live off of the innocent and gullible, while the good and genuine gentlemen suffer from distrust. I am neither of those because I am aware of the evil, and very capable of using it. However, I am good in that I expose the evil, and help you to make an informed decision. If you don't return my feelings Maria, it's absolutely all right. Not all endeavors are successful and "You get use to it. =D" or what is more appropriate for me"God has placed me through many hardships, so enduring this shouldn't be a problem. =D Don't feel bad if I feel bad, it just makes things worse. The happier you are brings content to me because I will not have left any scars to anyone. " I shall fade in and out of the lives of people as I always have with the exception of family.

More notes: As with anything in life, I do not know when to stop. That's why my saying of 11 is very important to my life. It reminds me to never push my limits, becauuse only destruction has come from it.

A few last points after reading other blogs

I notice that my family lacks the balance of caring. We don't know how to balance between caring for our family, and caring for ourselves. We are usually either 1 extreme or the other. I think I am too selfish, but my family keeps telling me that I'm the complete opposite. I'm too yielding to others. I'm confused, and dazed at the many observations I've made. There's more, but my head hurts now.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Haha, just a useless quiz post =D

You are Neo
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and

What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Okay, so I haven't typed in here for about a week, as it pretty much follows the frequency of my Hard Copy journal.

This entry was made on August 15 of the hard copy:
I was preoccupied with lots of other stuff. I'm still on track of my math and I will finish exactly half the textbook at the end of the summer. I'll try to work on ti during the school year with the same pace as I have currently. That'll be 1 hour less for my games and surfing the web. I also should spend my spares for school work so that I can open up the time after school for upcoming clubs. I finished the film in my camera on wednesday, but I think lots of photos are overexposed, because I left the settings of my camera to manual shutter. I still have to apply for SATs, but I don't have a credit card to charge it on. I'll ask mommy tomorrow so I can sign up.

I got a message from Mustafa today, and I'll get Norton Antivirus back! Yay! I can get the computer fully proteceted for school. Although Blaster worm has already passed. I'll get Windows washer, and ad-aware to improve the performance of the computer. Also, the DVDs I'm going to burn should be fairly quick, since they are each 1 movie file (and not 2 like the one's I've been burning recently).

I couldn't get RK: Requiem for Patriots because I was being STUPID. I did multimedia intensive stuff while converting. That made the process slower, and it messed up when things got really resource draining. I did this twice and on my 3rd try, a blackout happens. I thought it was another ordinary blackout, like the one in June where only our area was affected. It turns out the entire Eastern Seaboard was affected. The worst part of it was when it came time to get out. If mommy wasn't walking along Queen, if Betty wasn't checking out St. Michael's, and if Daddy wasn't driving through there, there'd be a missing family member at home today. When power did go out, I instantly grabbed all the flashlights, in the house, and deposited them in the living room, along with the radio, and my mp3 CD player, and the pair of battery operated speakers that I got from HK last year.

Afterwards, I had fun playing piano, and all the songs I know how to play. I did Hanon exercises, and then I became tired from playing. So I went to take a nap, and fell asleep for 3 hours. I wake up at 8:00PM and race against the falling sun to get candles lit. Family came home at this time, and Dady tried to turn the security system off. Instead he set it off when he punched the panel. We had to go to the point of cutting the wires to turn it off. We setup candles, took a shower, and ate a warm dinner in candle light. When we opened the windows to let cool air in, the sky was clearer thna glass. The stars shone brightly in the sky, with the full moon brightening everything on the ground. I also think we saw mars as the bright star next to the moon. We ate up as much Ice cream as we could. I took the softest one of teh 4. Why? Because I don't mind letting my family receiving better. Maybe that's what caring for family is.

When the family assembled to sleep at 12:00AM after watching the night sky, I saw jet fighters streak and fly above the sky. They were definitely fighter because no regular airplane can go that fast, with such a small turning radius. The family all settled into their warm beds except for I. I tried to get comfortable, and maybe slept for 2 hours. I woke up, thinking why did this happen, and it looks like a terrorist attack. The lack of accurate information implies this. Well teh government has corrected this, and showed us that a bad network of power centres is the cause (when a power station goes down, don't redirect the load to other strained plants!).

I still didn't get sleep even after pondering the previous paragraph. My mind was insecure and worrisome. I prayed to God for safety of myself, family, friends and the one I care for (implying Maria specifically). I then actually did get to sleep for another 2 hours after that prayer. I wake up to a scenario that is very much a fantasy, and yet is quite realistic. Under the circumstance that Maria likes me, I could be shunned by her parents as taking her away from them. Of course conflict arises, and a relationship would not exist. However, I will continue my life cold as ice. I couldn't stop thinking about the scenario, and I also could not stop thinking about how she is currently doing in the blackout. I then remembered that I have not taken my blood pressure meds, which is the cause for all my "bad sleep nights. " I quickly take them, and I start to doze. My blood pressure med has dizziness as a side effect. This is good to help go to sleep.

However, my eventful night does not end there. I have a very vivid dream, with many things that are noticeable. There's an unusual organism spreading and growingon everything. It spreads like the Medusa bug from Reboot, and it consumes life like the demons from Princess Monoke. The spell is more like turning everyone to some kind of plant. I find that everyone is being consumed, and I myself am about to be consumed. I am cradling corn (that seems to come from My Neighbour Totoro), and I can tear the spell away from myself, and the corn. After cleaning myself and the corn, I have morphed into a cougar. There is also a mane of tusks around my head, and tusks coming from my legs. I am now watching myself run to a girl/woman being consumed. I revert to seeing through the eyes of the beast, and in a frantic panic try to tear the spell from her. However, each time I tear away the spell, it regenerates and grows more. After I fail to save the girl, I morph back to my normal self in reality. Eventually I fail, and I notice that I am the only one left in that world who still has control over myself. Everyone else has been consumed by this wood medusa bug. All that is left is a fresh ripe corn that survived with me.

That was just Thursday too. Friday I wake up at a reasonable time and I'm surprised we have pancakes for breakfast. Well if we didnt have the gas stove, my family would be like all my other friends. Today isn't very eventul because power was restored at 12:20PM. Before that I was playing piano, and doing math. As soon as a light went on, we set the fridge to maximum freeze, and the air conditioner to cool and always on. We also turned on the computer and I checked my mail, Mustafa make a reply to give my CD back and I sent out message to the tutorial participants that today's meeting is cancelled. I was able to contact everyone except for Cherry. She came, but I had to tell her that the meeting is cancelled. So she had to call for a ride home, and meanwhile I gave her the itinerary for Anime Expo that I created (hopefully another person may come ^_^). I discussed with her the times and why it's sunday (she has sunday worship to attend to usually). So she'll think about it. After she left, I did some clean up, mop the floor and burn a mp3 Cd of the new songs I've recently downloaded. AFter that came the news, and dinner. As I was eating though, Nanting calls my cell to probably ask if I wanted to go to Cherry's place and watch a movie. I couldn't receive the call though because my cell phone ring is not very loud (and I've already set it to the loudest). I didn't see that my phone had a missed call until around 10:00PM (2 hours after the call). I called Nanting's place, only to hear from her father that she's out. So I call Cherry's place and find her there (I knew they'd gather there!). I guess I have unusually good intuition to track people just by phone calls. Well while I was writing the hard copy of this, they were watching Castle in the Sky, waah, i love that movie (which is why i have a legitamate version of it) because the storyline is soo cool, the drawings, musc are beautiful. The robots, and airships are reminder of Megaman Legends, my favourite game, and Laputa as well. Well we'll decide whether we watch Gundam Wing Endless Waltz, Rurouni Kenshin: Requiem for Patriots, Macross Plus, or Macross: Do You Remember Love in the meetings to come.

Monday, August 11, 2003

There's an update further down the entry!
Okay, I'm changing my layout back to fairly simple. I also took down my tagboard because it doesn't serve any function to me anymore as well. IF you want to make a comment, or ask question about entries. Please send an e-mail to

Well I'll keep the webring, since that's okay, for the moment.

Another great week, it has been again. I did all my work, and we even got that new DVD-player that we were looking at for FREE!!!! It's part of a Best Buy Promotion to sell the TV we just bought. So we went back for a price match, and got the DVD player for free. Yay!!!! This site will be linked to my angelfire website, so people can access it there. Nothing much that's new, just that I'll be spending less time on the computer, and more time at Dad's work bench making my airplane, or at the TV playing video games.

Update: Hey I forgot that today was August 11 because I was so happy already ^_^ Well it was a baad day for lots of my friends today. Serge bombed his computer twice, and now he screwed it up and it crashes every time he starts up IE. My other friend Benjamin had to hassle his boss to CANCEL the order we made on knives that was suppose to be canceled 5 days ago (Stupid boss didn't cancel the order, and tried to pull a fast one on us by even packaging the order on friday to get it ready to send out today). Hehe, well Ben went through a lot of trouble, and I thank him for his efforts. I took a look at why some of my DVD burns didn't work. It just so happens that I burned them in PAL, so they'd work in Asia and Europe, but not here in North America ^^;; Well I now have Macross Plus on 2 DVDs that I want to give away XD I reburned the first 2 episodes today and I got permanent working copy for the North American NTSC standard ^_^ It still takes 10hrs to do this though -__- I have 4 days to get a background image, and 2 item images for the Samurai X the Movie DVD I plan to burn for the friday's tutorial, and I also have to finish the other 2 eps of Macross Plus by this Friday! o_O tight schedule. Hehe, there's also Anime Expo coming to Toronto at Metro Convention Centre. I'm going to try and gather my friends along so we can all go ^_^ Also why didn't my mom tell me if she knew about it >: Anyways, I know Daniel will be there (he's the one that told me ^_^), and I'll see if people in the tutorial are willing to come^_^

Anyways, if anybody notices, I am changing a bit. I had to go to Endocrine last friday to get checked at which stage of puberty I was in @_@ Apparently, I'm developing later than the average guy, and I'm at around a year or 2 slower than the average population. Which would explain my immunity to sluts in the school, and my ability to concentrate in school despite all the show of skin. It would also explain my recent rush of crush this past and still seems to continue. Yes, I am also losing the immunity and concentration ability AND this is the WRONG time for that to happen #_# Well I've compensated for that by studying the entire summer holiday on MATH, and improving my social skills with my friends. So the school work load should be significantly reduced, and I won't feel so down in school that would be due to loneliness. Improved Moral, and knowledge base makes for an easier and better school year ^_^ I just said another secret to good grades ^_^ Another tip that is often never done is study atleast a week before exams, and 3 days before tests :D I do that, and I also eat tons of starch and sugar which is then consumed during those evaluations, and I never grow parallel to the earth anymore ^___^ LOL

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

August 5, 2003
Wahoo!!! August is a lucky month!!! Well it usually is for Chinese people^^;;
If you don`t want a run down of everything just skip to the Sunday 2nd paragraph, read that, and then skip to Reflections.

Friday was a very productive day. I woke up, ate, went to do math. I had a feeling the last section before the review was going to take longer than I estimated. Dad got lots of chores done while I was asleep, and when I woke up all I needed to do was clear the diswasher. That is because he said he`d take care of the rest. Ate lunch, went back to finishing up my math, and when I finished, my dad took me out to get the movie for the night`s outing with friends. Ate dinner, and went to Cherry`s place for study. Of course, while we`re waiting for everyone to come, we listened to Yuen and Cherry play FF music, and other cool stuff. After everyone has been assembled, we started on data management (few minutes), and went straight to Calculus. Yay, we learned the first principle of Derivatives and limits!!! I`ll be teaching Discrete later the next week, and so I have to get a lesson plan done. We watched Samura X, which is I think the OAV prequel to Rurouni Kenshin. A romance that seems so touching to me. It does have a lesson on moderation and balance of life. Do I have a balance in life? That is a question to be asked everyday. It is what can bring a person closer totheir goals, contentment and happiness. Perhaps that`s why I`m pursuing Commerce and Computer Science. Or it could be my own conscious desire to get away from home ^^;; After the movie we talked about our anime obsessions. Cherry with Gundam Wing and especially Duo, Mihan`s obsession with Final Fantasy, its music and Terra, and my obsession with Macross, Macross Plus, and their Vertech fighters. I like Macross Plus a lot, as its message is very clear, and a dedication to what many (such as myself) strive for.

Saturday was a fun day. It has been a long time since I swam before. I can still swim super fast in freestyle (thanks to my US size 11W or US Size 11EE feet). I improved my back stroke, and spent quite a bit of time just floating and swimming on my back. Afterwards, the same family tradition continued. BUY DOUGHNUTS!!!! There goes any weight loss ^^;; Oh well, that`s okay since my activity and metabolism always exceed my consumption. I went to go download more Glay Songs, and then ate dinner. After dinner, I cleaned my room (not very messy, but it still took 5 minutes to clean), surf the web, and I read a funny site about how a few stupid people got into stupid situations. Played Star Trek Bridge Commander, and I beat the game (Wahoo!). I`m good at keeping my shields high, and I have good strategic tactics and I am very good at conserving ammo (torpedoes).

Sunday: Woke up at 11:00AM which means I had 12 hrs. of sleep ^^;; Ate breakfast, and went out to buy cheap school supplies. I got 20 sheet covers for $1 (CHEAP!), new back pack, and a bunch of binders and paper. Checked out, and went to Sports Mart for some new shoes. Got a pair of expensive shoes because my feet are US Size 11EE (that means long and wide feet). We went to Buck Or Two to check out the place and left with a huge bag full of army men toys, and other neat stuff. Dad got the Weed killer we needed, and we bought 25 DVD-Rs forme to play with.

Rushed back for lunch, and ate hot dogs and fries. We went to Best Buy and here`s where the luck is ^_^ Mom and Dad went to get that money refund to compensate for the depreciation of my mp3 player, and they even got the CD Case and CD wallet promotion along with it! Plus there were only 2 of them left! Wahoo! I also found Macross 2, and Macross Plus there. I bought Macross 2 since I have Macross Plus here on the computer. At First Markham Place, we went to buy mushrooms, and when Dad was driving around in circles waiting for Mom to finish, we found a parking spot! So we parked down, and went into the mall. We walked around, and I went to the store that contained all the Macross stuff, and I found that they`re overpriced by 55$ No way am I going to waste that much money. I think I`ll go back to the comic bookstore at Bayview and Mackenzie later to buy that toy. We ended up eating at Peaktop (nice place) for dinner (mmm, very good Peking Duck). We just went straight to the apartment for the night, and Dad fixed up the drapes in my room (yay dark room now, no waking up at 5:00AM), and placed shelves in the closet (happy thought indeed). Cleaned up our toys, and plugged my mp3 CD player`s batteries in to charge.

Monday is pretty idle, as its civic holiday so nothing much is open. Everyone woke up late, so we all went out for brunch at Jade Dynasty. When we`re about to ask for the bill though, we had to wait 5 minutes until they noticed it and took it (very long when you`re doing nothing), and they didn`t even wait for us to ask us what we needed to pack the left overs in. We had to ask for that too and wait for it. While packing the stuff up, nobody bothered to help, so I just instinctively started packing everything. It took about 15 minutes to get a check and containers. Dad and I guessed that the waiters aren`t experienced and cool under pressure pressure. But they will learn those in time. Went home, and did the usual cleaning and house preparation for a guest doing a presentation on knives o_O Well my friend is selling them, so we granted him the presentation. However, when it came time to buying, my Dad got taken in by my friend and spent a very large sum of money for a set of knives o_O Well he can afford it, but it`s still a bit too much I think. Oh well, these things happen sometimes. Atleast he knows that it was a mistake to spend so much (Dad`s forgiven). Surfed a little, and generally just relaxed throughout the day.

It`s a lot better than most months I`ve had so far. As for personal feelings, I`ve had a few, but it`s not very prevailent anymore, I`m having a grand time on my own and with my group of friends. However, the answer to the puzzle of my last entry is here:

|-- --| |- -|
|400 145| |10 0|
|356 134| |08 0|
|-- --| |- -|

The key is my name ^_^;;
|- -| |- -|
|J 0| = |10 15|
|H N| = |08 14|
|- -| |- -|

|-- --| |- -| |- -|^-1
|400 145| |10 0| X |10 15|
|356 134| |08 0| |08 14|
|-- --| |- -| |- -|

|- -| |- -|
=|13 1| |1 0|
=|18 9| |0 0|
|- -| |- -|

|- -| |- -|
=|M A| |A 0|
=|R I| |0 0|
|- -| |- -|

I`m not sure if that crush still exists or not,
it might be that I don`t feel anything because I haven`t seen her for a very long time, nobody has sent me any of her contacts after I`ve requested them -_-, she hasn`t e-mailed me (probably because I wrote the wrong address again -_-), and I wrote her phone number on the wrong paper -_- Oh well, I guess I`ll just live my life as is, because it`s still very good ^_^

Update for August 5:
Yay, more good things! Thanks Stephanie for that ICQ# *bows with thanks*. The DVD I spent today burning (10 hours) works too!!!! Yay, DVDs for cheap now ^____^

Monday, August 04, 2003

It's the start of a new month, and therefore I will make a few changes to my life (just like Kero ^_~). First I have a real physical, book of paper and pen journal. I write in it fairly frequently, but each entry goes for 4 pages. I guess I'm easier writing in a completely private journal, than I am even here. Also this month has been filled with a lot of good luck (I'll fill you in on that later tomorrow). There's also a few other things I'll say tomorrow, but I can't really blog here while parents are around (just like Mist >_<). Anyways, you'll get filled in with a big entry soon. Bye for now.