Thursday, April 24, 2003

Well, I suppose this is my post to reply to everyone who posted on my tag-board (Thanks). Well to answer Mut-kun's question of me bringing the boards into this, I actually didn't bring my problems to the board (That would be bad), I'm just saying that my online activeness at the boards has taken a crippling blow. Also, I am refraining/blocking myself from chatting mainly because it is eating up way too much of my time, it is degrading my IRL social skills, and I don't want to involve myself anymore in online battles (Not giving examples, as that could possibly be considered flames).

I understand that me literally "dumping/ejecting" my relationship with Sakura is one of the worst ways to deal with the relationship. I left the relationship because I thought I WAS having feelings again towards my old grade school friend that I liked in November. However, I have come to the realization that anybody I like in that manner is only going to hurt me and the other involved (So I'd much rather stay single). In addition, I am not sure of what love is, therefore I don't want to be "experimenting" with women to find out what love is, as it is ethically and morally wrong in my opinion. Also, I would not want to find myself like my parents who seemed to have married on an infactuation (They are now staying together merely for the fact that they have to fund for the my post secondary education and to parent my younger brother). I rejected the relationship because it was the main cause for my deceitfulness with my family.

I acknowledge that not telling Sakura how I feel upfront was deceitful. My deceit was also mingled with me keeping my mom's mouth shut to not tell dad. When dad did find out on Good Friday, I lost my priviledges with his laptop (which is why I'm missing that set of mp3s that Clowmistress sent me a while back), but more importantly, my dad lost the only bond between my mother and him, TRUST. This went against what my sister was working her life for, to keep the family together. I destroyed that when she was already depressed about having her Internal Medicine Rotation shut off because of SARS. She is now very depressed, and had to go to the extreme of leaving the next morning to try and recover from the shell shock/conflicts/battles between family members. In addition, my sister was so shocked that I was smart enough to create a phony character that she believed(and thought was genuine) since she usually was a good judge of character. This is what I mean by destroying everything. Just about the only thing that I have accomplished is realizing that what I am productive in doing is creating robots, and doing my hmwk.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Let the War begin.

There's nothing nice to say, but I suppose that's what I do, I destroy everything. Let's start with the enlightenment of Friday. On that day, all family members in the house found out that I still continued a relationship with Sakura, but they have brought me to see the light. In addition I destroyed the last remaining bond between my parents (trust), and I have vanguished what my sister worked her life for to maintain in this family. I will not continue my relationship with Sakura, as it has brought nothing but pain and sorrow to my family. Also, I did not say this earlier, but I have grown and changed. I do not love you Sakura. I realized this the Friday morning, when I had a dream about another.

As for the rest of OASK, and AL, I will not be a regular poster anymore. Despite how much I like to discuss issues, and news at OASK and AL, I will refrain from any personal attachment to those boards. I will also refrain from chatting with anyone via MSN, ICQ, Yahoo, AIM, and much more rarely mIRC. All members of OASK, and AL have been deleted and blocked by the messengers (I'm not sure if it blocks e-mails too, but I hope that's not the case). If you wish to send me an e-mail, I will reply back as soon as I can. If I don't reply back in a week, it means I have received nothing. Please post on the tagboard if you wish send me an e-mail, and I will send you my open e-mail account that should receive all mails. I probably only have one thing I can do that might "break-even" which is that I wish to withdraw from Anime League Blog Alliance, and join Secrets and Dreams Weblogs of OASK. I've always liked OASK more than AL, as it's always been a preference for me. I will always stop by OASK whenever I can. If anyone who reads this is part of the 2 alliances, and can make changes to my "change of heart" (Which I don't think I have a heart). Also please e-mail me, or post on the tagboard to confirm whether I've joined, or been cut off.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Well, I just finished revamping my entire blog layout ^^;; isn't it a lot nicer than it use to be ^_______^. Anyways, the person pic above today's entry is how I'm feeling like. Which means today I'm pretty happy about life. Well let's start off again from where I left off last week ^_^

Monday of last week: I wake up, and go to stats, didn't really listen to the lesson, and went on reading. I read the whole morning, and went to English class with the book only 3/4 read. Then on that day, the teacher surprises the class with an surprise content test! Agh, that's not within school policy, but we should've seen it coming. If I had known we needed to read the book for a test, I would have stayed up even later to make sure I didn't lag behind like this! Anyways, I failed that test miserably 15/40. For biology, we took some notes, very boring class still because it's all old stuff still. Go home, and have a nice talk with Sakura, and then, "Dinner's ready" from downstairs! Oh well, I guess our timing is all off again. Fiddle around on the net, and eat up the line.

Tuesday: Same as yesterday without the English havoc.

Wednesday: Sister's back from quarantine! Yippee I think, well she's just going to stay home, goof around, boss us little brothers around, play with my little bro's stuffed animals, and her own stuffed animals. All her work is done because she did it while stuck in her apartment. Get some stats hmwk, do some english hmwk, and don't have any bio hmwk since it's just to study the notes for monday's test.

Thursday: Dad warns me that everything is icy. I walk out *starts sliding and isn't even moving a muscle* WHOA! I should wear ice skates instead of shoes! *hears a fire truck coming* Wow an accident already? When I get to the parking lot of the school I slip on the ice! Ow that hurt. Then a car nearly hits me from it sliding backwards on the hill! That was close, when I get to class, about half the number of students are there. Then there's a 10 car pile up outside, in the parking lot! Holy smokes! I'm glad nobody was hurt in the pile up. Well we continue on with class, and I stay behind a period to read my book on Christianity. When I get ready to come home for lunch, I know the path I just took was pure ice, I think I'll take the sidewalks this time and walk on the lawns. Both are covered in ice and I end up slipping again and hurting myself again! Ow good thing the street looks desserted. When I get home, I say hello, and find that mom is home! Apparently, the fire truck I heard this morning was because of her. Well that was nice to know she's an early warning system of car accidents and was in a fender bender herself. On my way back to school, I slip on the ice, and get a quick dose of the force of gravity for the 3rd time! I go to English and bio like usual, and they're just work period and note taking periods respectively. I go home, and now slightly disoriented at firm ground. Yippee, I'm not going out again until school for tomorrow, there's suppose to be a library research period tomorrow in bio, it's been a while since I've had one of those. Phew, that's the end of one day, now I hope the next day is better.

Friday: It's not better! It's worse! There's now 3in of ICE covering the sidewalks! The roads were cleaned though, so that's nice. But parents gave me the impressiont that there was a complete covering of ice on both! They even ordered me back to sleep and not go to school! So I stayed behind, and only went to English and Biology. I got the next assignment for English (good a whole weekend to do it!). In the biology research period, we can't do anything because there's only 5 students, the teacher and I. Also my research topic isn't that great for research there. I go to Robotics, and find a majority of the members showed up! Wow, that's great! We start panicking because we got no money still! Anyways, we think up of a ton of ideas, to fund raise money, and the supervisor will start buying the stuff, but we have to pay him back. That was Friday, and on my way back the ice pellets seemed to make a kind of rough concrete that allows me to walk on the ice like the sidewalk concrete! Yippee, no slipping! Phew, I'm home and play the afternoon away because it's FRIDAY!

Saturday: Stay home, everything's frozen! Work on the Gundam RX-78 I bought last week. Start talking with Sakura after I finish the limbs and legs. I'm forced off the computer 15 min later by mom, so I go back to working on the toy. I went on a building spree, finished it, and forgot about Sakura ^^;; sorry. Do some hmwk, eat and go to sleep.

Sunday: Let's see if we can dig ourselves out! Dad tries to and finds that he has to hammer his way first, and then use the snowblower. He's really got a good workout there. I study, do my hmwk that I forgot, on Friday and Saturday. Eat, sleep, the usual.

Monday: Go to school, get study periods for Stats, english and bio! What gives, I nearly break my back coming to school over ice covered and now melted and refrozen (meaning purely flat, and textureless) just to have 3 study periods! I could've stayed home for that!

Tuesday: Test day! Agh! I missed 2 questions on stats test! The best I can pull out is 89% this is going to hurt from my last 2 perfect tests. English work period, for our Journal entries. I also got my study novel. Yay, it's only 215 pages, and not 308 pages! Good good. Biology test was pretty easy, if I was sure of what hormone causes plants to bear flowers and fruit instead of leaves. Other than that, today was pretty good, worked on my English hmwk, and off to sleep.