Wow long time since this place has been updated. Anyways, I'm super busy right now with a genetics exam in 2 days, English term paper in 3 weeks, stats project in 3 weeks. I also have robotics competition on Friday. I wonder if I am better, or worse. I am most certainly unique and alone. Firstly, I am alone because I found out that the red-haired girl in my stats class has a boyfriend (duh, she was pretty, I saw that coming), I'm actually glad that's cleared up. Secondly, I think I am unique and alone because with any attempt to connect with anyone becomes a waste of time and energy. When my mom and sister ask me to have a critique on the actors from the play Taming of the Shrew that I saw at the Stratford Festival, I didn't have anything to say to them because I have my own critique on the themes that were expressed in the play, not on the actors. They got angry at me for not thinking of a critique on the players, which I thought was fairly shallow.

That play has given me a definition of love, which is the symbiosis of the genders to accept/give support from/to the other in all respects mind, spirit, and flesh. I have not found that other and I will not pursue this goal of finding another. If I happen to find her, it will be as Shakespeare has so subtley shown to me, and not to anyone else (seems like nobody has seen this, yet this theme is screaming in my ear). I doubt anyone in my school though would see this theme because everyone takes literature literally before thematically, which I think clouds people's ability to interpret. Also the play's theme can be applied to common life. Think about what others say, and evaluate it comparatively to your own. Who is right and who is wrong? Are we doing what is in the best interest of everyone or are we just being selfish and trying to achieve maximum benefit for ourselves? Don't respond to these questions, but act upon these questions with the basis of moral codes and standards that society has laid out. You will be surprised to know how selfish you are (I was surprised at myself).

As one can see my eccentricity that I am more of a deep thinker than I thought myself to be. I seem to always think that everything has some underlying signficance. I suppose ranting about myself is bad too, but what else can I do when expressing myself just yields negative reactions? Or what do I do when I have nothing to say because I was analyzing something entirely different on the same subject that the MAJORITY of the population would not see until somebody pointed it out to them.

People around me ARE shallow

Well, I suppose this is my post to reply to everyone who posted on my tag-board (Thanks). Well to answer Mut-kun's question of me bringing the boards into this, I actually didn't bring my problems to the board (That would be bad), I'm just saying that my online activeness at the boards has taken a crippling blow. Also, I am refraining/blocking myself from chatting mainly because it is eating up way too much of my time, it is degrading my IRL social skills, and I don't want to involve myself anymore in online battles (Not giving examples, as that could possibly be considered flames).

I understand that me literally "dumping/ejecting" my relationship with Sakura is one of the worst ways to deal with the relationship. I left the relationship because I thought I WAS having feelings again towards my old grade school friend that I liked in November. However, I have come to the realization that anybody I like in that manner is only going to hurt me and the other involved (So I'd much rather stay single). In addition, I am not sure of what love is, therefore I don't want to be "experimenting" with women to find out what love is, as it is ethically and morally wrong in my opinion. Also, I would not want to find myself like my parents who seemed to have married on an infactuation (They are now staying together merely for the fact that they have to fund for the my post secondary education and to parent my younger brother). I rejected the relationship because it was the main cause for my deceitfulness with my family.

I acknowledge that not telling Sakura how I feel upfront was deceitful. My deceit was also mingled with me keeping my mom's mouth shut to not tell dad. When dad did find out on Good Friday, I lost my priviledges with his laptop (which is why I'm missing that set of mp3s that Clowmistress sent me a while back), but more importantly, my dad lost the only bond between my mother and him, TRUST. This went against what my sister was working her life for, to keep the family together. I destroyed that when she was already depressed about having her Internal Medicine Rotation shut off because of SARS. She is now very depressed, and had to go to the extreme of leaving the next morning to try and recover from the shell shock/conflicts/battles between family members. In addition, my sister was so shocked that I was smart enough to create a phony character that she believed(and thought was genuine) since she usually was a good judge of character. This is what I mean by destroying everything. Just about the only thing that I have accomplished is realizing that what I am productive in doing is creating robots, and doing my hmwk.

Let the War begin.

There's nothing nice to say, but I suppose that's what I do, I destroy everything. Let's start with the enlightenment of Friday. On that day, all family members in the house found out that I still continued a relationship with Sakura, but they have brought me to see the light. In addition I destroyed the last remaining bond between my parents (trust), and I have vanguished what my sister worked her life for to maintain in this family. I will not continue my relationship with Sakura, as it has brought nothing but pain and sorrow to my family. Also, I did not say this earlier, but I have grown and changed. I do not love you Sakura. I realized this the Friday morning, when I had a dream about another.

As for the rest of OASK, and AL, I will not be a regular poster anymore. Despite how much I like to discuss issues, and news at OASK and AL, I will refrain from any personal attachment to those boards. I will also refrain from chatting with anyone via MSN, ICQ, Yahoo, AIM, and much more rarely mIRC. All members of OASK, and AL have been deleted and blocked by the messengers (I'm not sure if it blocks e-mails too, but I hope that's not the case). If you wish to send me an e-mail, I will reply back as soon as I can. If I don't reply back in a week, it means I have received nothing. Please post on the tagboard if you wish send me an e-mail, and I will send you my open e-mail account that should receive all mails. I probably only have one thing I can do that might "break-even" which is that I wish to withdraw from Anime League Blog Alliance, and join Secrets and Dreams Weblogs of OASK. I've always liked OASK more than AL, as it's always been a preference for me. I will always stop by OASK whenever I can. If anyone who reads this is part of the 2 alliances, and can make changes to my "change of heart" (Which I don't think I have a heart). Also please e-mail me, or post on the tagboard to confirm whether I've joined, or been cut off.