Friday, January 16, 2004

Parallels in life, that see each other, but never cross paths

Wow, I very long time since I touched any of these pages. Mainly because I have been quite busy, and I'm on the edge of completely losing all my "super-brain powers." Those powers comes from sleep, and relaxation actually, where I would usually have a decent balance between sleep, relaxation and work. However, I recently have also been bombarded by tests, quizzes, major evaluations this month that I couldn't stand it. EUT was the tuesday I got back to school, Doc appointment on Wednesday, quiz on the friday, and a day behind in all the work, test on the thursday of that day. That was the first week. This week is the Bio presentation, and I am still amazed that I would take the largest and most important section of the unit -____- I guess I am prone to always taking more than I can handle. ANOTHER test on the thursday, same as everyone else but I was completely unprepared for it. Today is a physics test, but I think I'm okay with it. Hopefully all my evaluations in the past 2 weeks will come in much earlier before the exam so I can read it again. I still have a few things to do on Monday, and tuesday. So yah, I'm sure everyone else is tired and exhausted from all this, so I can't blame the world for my problems.

I suppose I could not feel bad that during the past 2 weeks I was up to speed with everyone else as well. BUT it somewhat feels bad to know that I degraded my speed to the same as everyone else, as a previous good quality of mine was the speed at which I could do things. I wish I could parallel process like I did last semester with D/M, English, and Bio11. But I've lost my sense of direction, my clear mind, and a great passion that I previously beheld. Without those, I can not do what I did last semester again.

A clear mind I had before was when my parents were still taking care of me, and I didn't have responsibility to a great many things except for school. A direction I lost when I realized I was capable of doing something great, but in a different place. A passion I lost was because I realized it could do nothing that could fulfill a deep desire of mine's, to live a free life from the shackles of disease. My previous passion was only a selfish desire to fulfill my ego. That passion has changed, and I made that realization last year in November, when I saw a new direction and potential. It only further emphasized my change in direction when I found out that a dear friend of mine's has been sentenced to receive the same shackles I am currently bound by. Her time is unknown, and she now lives with a lingering thought that someday, disease may come for her. She still a very good friend, somebody I still care for very deeply, but it can not come to more, something dictates that we can not be together.

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