Sunday, March 03, 2013

6 month review

So 6 months go by, and I'm still working at the same place I use to.  However, they've moved me to the great United States of America to work on short term contracts.

It's great to learn new things about industry, and to travel.  However, I still don't have time to work on my new toy which is my CNC machine sitting in my garage in Canada and doing nothing.  I bought the huge thing, but the house is such a mess that I have no where to install it...  Epic sadness.

Today's post though is more a reflection and response to other bloggers that have been going through difficult times.  Specifically daughters of Chinese families who are at the stage where they are leaving their parents for a new life.   I would usually make a comment on them, but I felt it inappropriate to do such a thing when my condolence was literally "suck it up, think hard, and make a decision between your family and the one you love.  "

Of which I know it is impossible for them to even try and make such a decision because they are, unlike me, close to their family.

Side note:  These bloggers have never actually failed to the point where they can't get up or they have to start over from many years back.  Admittedly I think it is a good thing to fail once in your lifetime pursuing a dead end, so that you can properly find your true direction and self.

So for those leaving your parents, or feeling shackled by them, here's a cheesy saying of advice.

Do not think about the consequences, or their reactions, but feel what is in your heart, and decide what is best from there.  Life is not short these days anymore.  You have time to make mistakes and truly find yourself through them. 

Here would be the back story as to why I would think of such a thing, rather than be able to relate and offer a nicer condolence.

a) I'm a Chinese Son, and we are not treasured like objects like daughters.  We are expected to go forth and make the country better under the family name.

b) I don't come from a typical Chinese family.

Reading onwards is up to people, but it's really just reiterating why i can be distant and separated from my family.

My sister, and I believe the family was dysfunctional, and in specific things they were.

With that theme in mind, I will state what I feel is different from typical.

My mom and dad had opposite habits in life and that often made for clashes in the house just about all the time.  Dad was an OCD neat freak, and Mom was lazy and messy (Mom owns the house, and I'm the butler to clean up after everyone...).

Mom wanted her kids to have the same career as her ... accountant.
Dad didn't want his kids to have the same career as his ... engineer.

So unlike other families where the parents have a harmonious message of BE SUCCESSFUL.  We got a different message of don't be something because the market is bad.  Unfortunately, we are bad gamblers, and what they said turned out to be the opposite.

Familes fight, and generally make up or move on.  In our family, it was more like having a 30 year long religious war (yes the fight lasted longer than my existence in this world).  It ended last year, when I threw all their religious circular arguments out the window and exposed them for what they were both really afraid of.  Theft from the other.  They couldn't trust each other to not steal from each other.

After that came the calm and silence at the end of a long final battle.  They both stopped yelling at each other, they could talk to each other calmly and like normal people.  They also both could admit to each other finally, they didn't love each other.  That's probably the key thing.  I grew up in a house where the majority of the life was fighting.  Fighting for righteousness that didn't exist.  Even at the dinner table, I learned to use chopsticks quickly because I fought for good food.  If you didn't learn fast, you wouldn't get the good parts of the steamed chicken.  30 years of raging war for hiding their mistrust behind the pride of being righteous.

I lived out of that for about 6 years during my university years, and during these years I lived alone.  Truly alone with nobody else.  Dad would visit every weekend to drop off food, but he never stayed long.  the family would visit ever so often maybe once a month.  They'd pay the bills, but physically I have been on my own already for a long time.

This time alone was and is peaceful.  The freedom of self-sufficiency, and the pride of being able to stand up on your own 2 feet.

Thus when I returned to my family after those 6 years, I felt I was being shackled by my family.  In this case, I can relate to the bloggers, but I don't carry guilt like they do when I think about "leaving and never coming back. "

Yet despite the atypical nature of my family, I personally seek peace and companionship in my lonely home.  This is a place of sanctuary and it is open to friends and family in need, and it is a place of comfort and warmth.

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